My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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