i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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