He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
