That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
