i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
