I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
