What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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