Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize