Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
