why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
