Even my vagina gasped.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
