i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
