i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
