Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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