Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
