I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
