on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am mentally ready for anal.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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