he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
