it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
