Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize