In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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