I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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