remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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