If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
