apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
