butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
