Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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