those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
