just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
