mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
