and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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