I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize