I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
