y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
