I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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