____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
...so i touched it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
