Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
