lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
