I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
