I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
