I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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