she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
