my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
