i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
