and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
