Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
