hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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