Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
