Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize