dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She announced her abortion via fbk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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