um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
