oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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