Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
