can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
