Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
