I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
