I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
