Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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