i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
