Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize