her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
