my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
