How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
