how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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