Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
