I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
soo... how was my night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
