You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
