she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
