I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
