Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
