You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
