Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize