i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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