You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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