WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
