i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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