She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Randomize
