yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
