I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
