Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
false alarm, still single
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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