Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
