we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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