The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
