u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
