I looked at my own cervix.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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