take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
