Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
